


The Hard Sell

by zamwessell



Category: The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)
Genre: Closeted, Dialogue-Only, Drug Use, Heavily Salted With 'Fuck's, M/M, One Shot, so yachts i guess, this movie had so many fuckwords, tiny fancy ships, tiny ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2014-02-10
Packaged: 2018-01-11 20:36:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1177640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zamwessell/pseuds/zamwessell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you're this fucked up, this often, you know the day will come when you give yourself away.</p><p>A conversation, some months after the incident with Jordan's butler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hard Sell

**Author's Note:**

> somehow this movie and this pairing, out of nowhere and in spite of all impulses to the contrary, came and lit a fic flame under me.

"Donnie."

"What?"

"Is it true about the--"

"About the what?"

"Rudy."

"Rudy?"

"The butler said, the club—"

"Fuck the butler, I don't know anyone named fucking Rudy—"

"He said you were dancing—"

"—fuck kind of a name is Rudy anyway -- yeah all right I like dancing, you know I fucking like dancing but it wasn't fucking _like_ that—"

"He said it like you were a regular—"

"I mean I fucking love dancing but it wasn't like that – I have nothing against gay people, you know, my, my cousin, he's gay, I fucking said, I love him, his boyfriend, we go on vacation—but I would never even consider—"

"Donnie"

"Like it wouldn't cross my mind, fucking begin to cross my mind—"

"I'm not saying—"

"Fucking spit it out, okay? What are you trying to say, Jordan?"

"I'm not trying to say anything, I was just— people say stuff—"

"I mean people – fuck people – people say all kinds of shit, you know that, 'Donnie married his cousin'"

"But you did marry your—"

"I said it's not like that, okay, Jordan? Fuck – you don't actually think I would – like – fuck – I mean, fuck—"

"Donnie—"

"Like, what am I supposed to be – like, a – we've fucked the same girl before, Pam, we fucking nailed that piece of ass – but that was, that was you, that was a whole nother thing, all right, and there was – I mean Pam was there as kind of a buffer, you know, you gotta have a--"

"Buffer?"

"I mean, exactly. That's the thing. Exactly. So I mean without that I would never—"

"You would never—"

"Would not. Absolutely would not under any circumstances – I mean what even kind of name is Rudy, that's a reindeer name, not a people name, that's bullshit—Jordan, you know me. You know me, right? You fucking understand that I would never—"

"Yeah okay, Donnie."

"You say okay but I mean I think it's pretty fucked up that you would even think a thing like that, wonder a thing like that, like, I would never, I would never entertain the thought for a second that you were—"

"Because I'm not—"

"Shit Jordan you don't actually—"

"Donnie, it's okay"

"No it's fucking not, it's bullshit, it is bullshit that you would even think that I would – I should punch you for fucking thinking that—"

"Calm down—"

"I am calm, I'm fucking calm, Jordan, look, when I say I love you I mean like a brother, Jordan, you are fucking family to me, you understand that—"

"Donnie you're married to your cousin—"

"That is so unfair that you would even – I mean you are my family. I am not fucking in love with you—"

"I never said you were. How did this become you telling me you're not in love with me?"

"I'm not, Jordan I'm – I love my wife – I love women –"

"You hate your wife—"

"Everyone hates their wife."

"I don't hate mine."

"Sometimes you do, you do sometimes, a little—I know you, we understand each other, don't bullshit me--"

"Donnie."

"I don't understand what you're trying to fucking say—like we didn't even touch, I mean, Pam was right there in between us, it's not like I was trying to fucking hold you or like _fondle_ or grope or touch you in any way, we weren't even making fucking _eye contact_ so I very clearly was not—"

"You were making eye contact."

"I wasn't! I wasn't trying to I was looking at your chin okay it looked like I was looking at you but it wasn't fucking like that—"

"Just calm down."

"Jordan it doesn't change anything, okay? It changes nothing. Nothing, nada, not a fucking thing, okay? What are you looking at me like that for? I thought you knew – fuck you, you had to know—"

 

"You're really fucked up right now, huh, Donnie?"

"Yeah, I'm a little fucked up, I'm always a little fucked up. This whole thing is fucked up. This place, these things, all these girls, you, me, do you ever think – okay, I mean even for a second, like, what if, what if one time there wasn't a buffer and it was just—"

"You cannot possibly be saying this."

"I'm not saying, _do it_ , I'm saying, think about it, just like, you know, I know what turns you on, right, I've seen you—"

"Women."

"Not just women, like, certain things, there are things – I mean, _Venice_ , you know, I could –"

"Donnie—"

"Give me a chance here, I'm not saying, like, forsaking all others, til fucking death do us part, here, but I mean, I think one time, it could kind of cement this – you know – partnership thing we have going here, right?"

"Cement it? It could cement it?"

"I mean not literal cement, not cement – but – I think – I think it could be fucking bonding, just – just to see."

"Are you trying to sell me, Donnie?"

"Don't tell me it's never occurred to you, I mean, look, we're straight, we're as straight as they come, you, me, two straight motherfuckers here but _maybe_ if you were ever even kind of a little bit curious it would be safe, you know, with me, if there was anything you ever wanted to – you know, to try – just once – just with somebody you trusted with your fucking life, right? God, I'm so fucked up right now. Look at me. I'm fucked up, I may not even remember I'm saying this – we may not even remember what happens next, whatever it is – it's just us – there's nobody even paying attention, look at this place, if –"

"Donnie, your teeth frighten me."

"I won't use teeth."

"No, I'm saying, your teeth frighten me—"

"I wouldn't even have to do that—"

"I'm not attracted to you."

"Nobody's attracted to me, this is different, this is not, do I find you sexy? this is, how can I make you feel? and the answer is, good. The answer is, great. The answer is, live a little."

"You're selling me."

"Fuck yeah I'm selling you, if there's anything you've ever wanted to try, that nobody would do, just fucking tell me, and I will make it happen, Jordan, I swear to you, I am there, I am so fucking ready, I will make it so fucking good for you."

"You're my best friend, Donnie."

"I know that. This doesn't change that. We're way too fucked up to remember that this even happened – that this conversation even took place. I could get on my knees, unzip your fly, start blowing you, you wouldn't remember a thing, I won't remember a thing—"

"Okay."

"Okay? Okay?"

"You said you could blow me, I said, okay."

"You want me to—"

"You're deaf now?"

"I just cannot believe that you, Jordan Belfort, just fucking asked me to—"

"Not if you're going to fucking look at me like Christmas came early."

"First off, Christmas is a pack of lies, Jordan, second off, Christmas is not what is going to be coming in record time—"

"Oh yeah? Put your mouth where your mouth is."

"Okay. Fuck you."

"Fuck me? Fuck you."

"Okay. I'm getting there, give me a second, this is a deep couch, a guy has to extricate himself."

"You're going to have to stop talking if you want to—"

"Watch this, all right?"

 

"Shit. _Shit._ Shit. No. No. Donnie. Shit, Donnie. Donnie you have to stop. Donnie please. Donnie. Fucking _shit._ Fucking shit Donnie – Jesus fucking – no. Oh God no Donnie you have to stop. Donnie I – fuck. Stop. Donnie. Donnie, please."

"what – is something the--?"

"F--."

"...Fuck, Jordan, you could have warned me—"

"I was trying to—"

"I thought something was the matter, I didn't think you were going to fucking come all over my–"

"I warned you!"

"All over my fucking glasses. Fuck, Jordan. These are my glasses."

"You don't fucking need glasses."

"Yes I do, I grew into them—"

"Don't do that."

"What, I'm just trying to clean off my glasses, how else am I going to—"

"Don't lick it."

"--suddenly that's filthy, but a minute ago your cock was in my mouth, physically present in my mouth and you didn't have any problem with that—"

"Yeah okay all right Donnie."

"What?"

"You're a real fantastic cocksucker."

"Yeah okay."

"No I mean it."

"I take that in the spirit in which it was offered."

"Here."

"What are you—"

"Missed a spot."

"Oh."

"Don't sit all the way down there. It's not comfortable."

"Give a guy a second to get himself together after he blows your fucking mind, all right?"

 

"You're rock hard right now."

"That? Oh, that happens, you know, these things – they happen, it's, like, the body's natural response or some shit, it'll take care of itself."

"Will it?"

"Jordan you don't have to—"

"I'm not going to leave you with fucking blue balls, Donnie."

"Oh. Okay. Well I can get behind – that -- I can – certainly – that's too hard, go a little easier--"

"That's not what friends are for."

"-- that's actually kind of _painful_ —"

"I want it to be good for you."

"Then stop yanking it like you're fucking tearing the arm off of Beowulf's monster--"

"Grendel."

"Grendel? Seriously? That sounds nasty--"

"Look it up."

  
"That's better, like that, that's—that's actually _very_ —"

"Do you want another 'lude?"

"Yeah okay—"

"Come and take it—"

"I can't take it, you just took it—"

"Still on my tongue. Come and fucking take it."

…

"Fuck. Oh, fuck."

"Jesus Christ. You're like Niagara—"

"Fuck."

"Niagara fucking falls in my hand right here—"

"I come a lot, sometimes. When I get very excited."

"That's a lot."

"Yeah, that's—"

"Was it the 'lude?"

"Yeah, brother—"

"Do not fucking call me brother right now."

"I didn't mean—"

"Your dick is in my hand, do not fucking call me 'brother.'"

"Sorry."

"Sorry?"

"Sorry, I – can I –"

"Wh—"

...

"Didn't have anything for you that time."

"Yes you did."

"Don't."

"Okay."

"Here."

...

"—can't just kiss me, like that, I thought my teeth frightened you—"

"No, it's good. Just let it be good."

"Okay."

…

"I'm so fucked up."

"Me too."

"This is so fucked up. I never thought –"

…

"Never thought?"

"Fuck, stop it."

"Never thought—"

"Nothing. Fuck it. Forget it. Come here."

…

"Donnie I just had an awful thought."

"An awful thought? What? What is it?"

"What if – we're fucked up, right, but what if we're not as fucked up?"

"You mean, what if you remember that you liked it?"

"What if we both—"

"You mean, what if this starts happening—"

"We cannot let this happen."

"I agree."

…

"I agree 100%."

…

"I completely agree."

…

"Okay, Jordan, enough."

"Right there with you."

…

"I fucking love you, you know that."

"I know."

…

"But I couldn't do this."

"I know you couldn't, Jordan. Fucking relax."

"This changes nothing."

"This changes nothing."

…

"I'm done. There. Done."

"Completely done."

"Done."

...

"Nothing could change us."

"No. Don't worry about it."

"I'm not worrying."

...

"Jesus, are you already--?"

"No it's just, just phantom, dead man walking -- don't pay it any --"

"I won't."

"Donnie-- Fuck."

"Is that good?"

"Fuck yeah, it's good, it's--"

"I masturbate a lot, so my form is excellent."

"Don't tell me that, you're killing it."

"Not from where I'm sitting."

"Fuck you."

"Yeah okay."

"Next time."

"There won't be a next time."

...

"Sure there won't."


End file.
